Another Bad Creation

ever knit a sweater - and i mean the coolest sweater you've ever seen - perfect yarn, beautiful pattern? and then did you realize the sleeves were different lengths and your shaping was a little wonky and oops! that third cable crossing on the right went the wrong way?

yeah. me, too.

Friday, September 02, 2005

if everybody wants you, why isn't anybody calling?

The way I figure it, there are five possibilities as to why.

1. His call was one of those Chandler Bing oops moments, except unlike Chandler Bing who couldn't stop saying "We should do this again sometime" (or whatever he said, this was like the only Friends episode I ever saw - the one with Rachel's boss with the mascara goop), he accidentally called and said we should go out for coffee, but didn't really mean it.

2. Due to my ineptitude (or bad luck), I accidentally left six messages saying the same thing on his voice mail. Okay. So, I got his voice mail and left a message, I thought I was hitting the button that would send it and instead I got this nice voice saying "Your message has been erased. Please leave a new message after the tone" and then a tone. So I eek, leave a new message, sort out which is the send button, and then it gives me the option to LISTEN to the message I just made. So I do. Because you give me an opportunity to be self-critical and I will take it! Always! And of course my message sounded stupid. So I erased it and tried again. And again. So a la that crazy answering machine scene in Swingers, this poor creeped out guy gets six different permutations of "Coffee sounds great, give me a call and we'll sort out when." Except most of them longer, stupider, and nerdy sounding.

Especially nerdy if there were six of them. And it is oh, so something I would do.

3. Inversely, rather than leave six messages, I may have by accident erased the one I finally thought was unsucky enough to send. So no message of the six was sent, and guy thinks I am a royal jerk-girl who doesn't return phone calls. (If he only knew I actually returned it six times!)

4. He is trapped under something very, very heavy.

5. He is busy with work, busy with life, and although he had fun(?) and thought I was nice (although, a bit too talkative - chatterbox when I'm nervous! - and wearing a tad too much makeup, and also probably a little too chubby), he wasn't like, so interested that he could find the two minutes to call back, in which case, it's probably better that we don't go for coffee anyway.

Any guesses?

Thursday, September 01, 2005

thank you so much, AP! i was wondering what Britney thought of the hurricane!

this is NEWS??!!

and this is the WHOLE ARTICLE. omg. i'm moving to another f'ing planet.

and!! who in their right mind thinks that the "statement" she posted on her website indicates that she is in any way actively praying for the victims of the hurricane, and why the hell does it matter?

literally! to have your article's HEADLINE be "Britney Spears Prays for Somebody"!

*stifled scream*

Britney Spears Prays for Hurricane Victims

Britney Spears, who was raised in Kentwood, La., says she is praying for the victims of Hurricane Katrina.

In a posting on her Web site, the 23-year-old pop star writes that her "thoughts and prayers go out to everyone" in the states along the devastated Gulf Coast.
"All of my family members there are safe and thank you to all my fans for your concern," says Spears.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

regarding the looting that is occurring in new orleans today...

Let's set the scene. Hurricane hits. Hurricane leaves. Looting at a Walgreens.

From the AP:
Denise Bollinger, a tourist from Philadelphia, stood outside and snapped pictures in amazement.
"It's downtown Baghdad," the housewife said. "It's insane. I've wanted to come here for 10 years. I thought this was a sophisticated city. I guess not."

So, what does it mean for human civilization when the AP starts to sound like the Onion? Except for real.


Monday, August 29, 2005

oh, just kill the bunny already!

So, I'm thinking I need to Netflix Swingers. I am out of the loop as far as the rules go. Is it two days? Three days? Is it five? Or is that Priority Mail? I am getting conflicting information. Or is it not at all? We shall see.

Honestly, I expected nothing, I still expect nothing.

That doesn't mean I want nothing, I just expect nothing. Last time I expected nothing (i.e. Saturday prior to about twenty after six) I was quite pleasantly surprised. So, hopefully the same will happen this time.

Okay, I'm not really fooling anyone here, am I?

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

note to self:

wear pants for next cello lesson. knee length a-line skirt was probably not the best idea.

Friday, August 19, 2005

you know, it's difficult to really piss me off

Most times, you have to be an extraordinary jackass (or an elected official) to get my hackles up. All evidence in prior journal entries to the contrary, I'm usually a pretty laid-back individual. Relatively pragmatic, probably a little too stable for my own good, etc. Even when engaging in heated arguments, stormy debates, tense exchanges and other activities of that ilk it most often remains separate from the inner me - the calm me. I can have it out with someone - knock down, drag out, pushing each others' faces in the mud and stomping on fingers and when it's done, it's done. I can turn it on. I can turn it off. (ask my ex-husband. I think that always bugged the shit out of him!)

So! Quelle surprise! An opinion column syndicated on yahoo (of all places) from USA Today has caused me to be a seething little monster here at my desk. Literally! Seething! (Churning! foaming! suffering violent internal excitement!)

Oh, these people and their stupid, stupid opinions. You know, I am all for opinions. I have far too many of them for my own good. They’ve changed over time (and I’d like to think for the better), they fluctuate when I am presented with new information, and they define me in a way that other elements of my personality cannot. the flux of my deeply held beliefs becomes almost a life map - like when you suddenly realize you're thinking about french maid costumes and you have to backtrack your last minute and a half of thinking (french maid costumes came from feather dusters which came from grandma ruth's cat which came from orange jello with carrot floaties - oh, yeah! I was thinking about miracle whip! you know?)

So where was I? (miracle whip, opinions in flux, stupid people! oh yeah!) Like I said, I am all for opinions. the problem I have is when said opinions are absolutely, fundamentally resistant to change - or equally bad - if those opinions are viewed by the holder as fundamental truths for all time and thus invalidate contrary beliefs of others. A few of my favorite examples:

fundy christians. Don’t believe in it? That’s proof that the devil is working in the world. Don’t believe in the devil? That’s proof the devil's got you. There is no wiggle room. Either you believe it or you're wrong. Game over.

extremely radical feminists (a rare breed, truly). Don’t feel particularly oppressed today considering that you are a white, upper-middle-class female with a college degree and a well paying job in a ridiculously wealthy and wasteful country? You’re being brainwashed by the patriarchy. Feel that the concept of patriarchy is one that could use some serious updating in a world where multinational corporations and environmental waste are just two of the new biggies serving to oppress and exploit and objectify (even us rich white women in the west)? That’s proof you're oppressed by the patriarchy right there. You’re deflecting.

We no longer live (and really, did we ever?) in some sort of arnoldian objective truth world. Subjectivity is the order of the day, because seeing as how (at least to my knowledge - and forgive my digression into the second person) you are not he/she/it who personally orders the universe; there is no way anyone can take your opinion as the gospel of official truth from the high heavens. Open up a little! Have at least the semblance of being aware of your existence as not the only person in the world whose opinion counts. (Isn’t that a psychobabble tradition - want to be confident? pretend you are! want to be funny? pretend you are! it'll eventually become a part of your being and you won't be pretending anymore - YMMV if you pretend to be a doctor, astronaut, or flying trapeze artist, but I’m not making any guarantees) so, want to not be an absolute fuckwad? Pretend you're not! Worst case scenario is that we won't have to be subjected to your stupidity, and frankly, that's a great worst case scenario.

So why the rants? Who is this columnist who stirred me to the point of expostulation on the detrimental nature of stupid opinions let run amok? A woman named Elizabeth Sandoval, who is apparently a writer living in Los Angeles. Well, Elizabeth Sandoval, with the acknowledgement that you may actually be a great person or fantastic writer somewhere deep in there, get over yourself or shut the hell up and pretend you did.

the article in question: A Neo-Feminist's View of Abstinence

(read at your own risk - I take no responsibility for brain cells lost or any stewing in one's own juices)

if you've ever been curious about what it would look like to see an argument entirely dependent on false dichotomies and ridiculous stereotypes, this is your article. It’s a fun little exercise on putting way too much stock in the idea that women are either virgins or whores and then beating it until it dies - bloodied and mutilated on your front porch. Fun!

So, Elizabeth Sandoval wants to have sex with her future husband. Good for her! Her choice to do so is totally valid, and I hope she is happy and fulfilled with future unnamed husband. No problems there. But, you know, it goes downhill after that first break.

"Quick!" thinks Elizabeth Sandoval, "I must justify my choice by asserting that I am not a troll under a bridge or an ugly fat woman! We must not let them think that I am just too unattractive to have sex!" Elizabeth Sandoval then invokes a litany of stereotypes to support her assertion, since, of course, anyone still reading at this point must be so stupid and brainwashed to believe that the choice not to have sex can only be made by those: ultraconservative cat-ladies, old people who are afraid of "youth culture," and bitterly crusty unattractive women who have never experienced the inherent joy of someone wanting to fuck them. No, Elizabeth Sandoval is a "neo-feminist."

you don't even need a semester of women's studies to know that there are approximately fifteen thousand and three variations and appellations of feminism bandied about nowadays. You can be an eco-feminist, a feminist-of-color, a feminist-who-lacks-color, a marxist-feminist, ad nauseum. (you can probably even be an ad nauseum feminist if you really wanted) hell, I even bandied about my own little definition above to give name to the very small faction of feminists I encountered in my very first semester of women's studies at unnamed midwestern big ten university. Elizabeth Sandoval, however, is a "neo-feminist." her definition is extremely limited (can't have a platform with only one leg, natch, you'll fall on your face), so I decided to check my trusty friend Merriam-Webster Online's definition of neofeminist. apropos, non? Good guess, Merriam-Webster Online - it was mine, too!

but, according to Elizabeth Sandoval, a neo-feminist is: "One who respects her body so much that she won't allow it to be used as someone's playground." and this is where I start to get really, really annoyed at Elizabeth Sandoval.

Seriously! Who is this woman dating?!? Somebody with a nice normal brother or friend, please set Elizabeth Sandoval up! The remainder of her article reads like stereotypes on parade, and it appears that her only interactions with men have been with troglodytes and jackasses. (or maybe, you see what you think you're going to see, Elizabeth Sandoval! be obsessed with sex, which it appears from this article that you are, and you will see it everywhere you look!) And! that women are so sexually repressed that their sexuality is simply a man's playground - god forbid I should build this playground and play in it myself! (am I a virgin or am I a whore? hm?)

I’m sorry to tell you, Elizabeth Sandoval, but as cute and hip as you think you are, not every man you meet wants to get into your pants. Not even "handsome man at a bar," who you have reduced from a human being with independent thoughts and feelings to someone brainwashed by sex and the city and rap videos (!!??). If you allow that you, yourself, could have escaped the clutches of these evil influences, why not believe that "handsome man at a bar" could have? And god forbid he does want to have sex with you! God forbid he view you as a sex object! Why don't you fucking move along rather than reduce an entire sex to drooling sex-starved idiots?

Moving on. Let’s take on the women. Let’s reduce them to simpering emotionally immature idiots who are unable to deal with the consequences of their choices. (and, who apparently only date complete and utter jackasses!) oh, and let's lump them into just a couple of categories which inadequately (barely at all, in fact) address the myriad reasons a person might choose to have sex and while we're at it, let's act like we're all still in 7th grade.

Category 1: Members of the "Sex is Natural and Fun and If It Makes You Happy, It Can't Be That Bad"

Apparently they date simply because "they want sex so badly." then, as does happen, they and their partner "dump" one another (7th grade, anyone?) and now the poor, victimized woman who was wrangled into this sexual relationship completely not of her own accord is "one of many women whom he could point out on the street. 'See her?' he can tell his buddies. 'She's cute, huh? Yeah, I had her.'" Elizabeth Sandoval does not wish to be "her."

Oh, where to begin. Does this make anyone else want to vomit? First of all, I again have to wonder where Elizabeth Sandoval is meeting these men. I will not say that I know no men who act like this - but I will say that these are not the men I would choose to sleep with. (you see, contrary to what Elizabeth Sandoval may think, I have a choice as to which men I sleep with, and I am quite discriminating! and!! wonder of wonders, all men are not neanderthals! really, I promise!) Secondly, in what alternate junior high world does it matter what neanderthal and his buddies think? is your self-worth so fragile and delicate, Elizabeth Sandoval, that should you date a man who turns out to be a total jackass that would say things like this, you would instantly cease to exist? Would his "I had her" remark brand "fallen woman" on your forehead and sully your honor? And finally, what makes you think that over coffee with a close friend I might not point out my hot crush boy walking by and say, "Isn’t he hot? You should see him naked!" is it because I am a woman that I must be the objectified? I cannot in turn enjoy or appreciate sex as sex without being permanently emotionally scarred by not remaining in a relationship with the man I slept with? (Merriam-Webster! you were right!)

Category 2: The "You Have to Know if You're Sexually Compatible or the Marriage Will Be Doomed" club

Well, having been in a marriage that was doomed (hyperbole, anyone?) I happen to know that sexual compatibility is of the utmost importance. Go to a marriage and family therapist and they will ask you - how's your sex life? A good one can help you regain the intimacy you may have lost through other means, and maintaining a good one can help you through yick times. A bad one, or a non-existent one can make you feel miles away from your husband/wife EVEN IF your emotional intimacy is spot on. Emotional intimacy makes best friends. Add in the sex and you've got a marriage. And does anyone else think it's funny that her dramatic article closer asserts that sex is EVERYTHING, and yet the crux of her non-sex argument is that sex doesn't matter as much as we think it does? Pick a mood and go with it, Elizabeth Sandoval!

Okay. Here we come to the part that actually makes me violent. Gotta take this bit piece by piece.

"Many women today are weak-minded in that they readily accept society's portrayal of sexual norms. The people on The O.C. are doing it. Paris Hilton, as she's hosing down that Bentley, appears ready to do it."

When I was in high school, I didn't drink, smoke, or do illicit drugs. when my peers discovered this seeming defect in my personality, their main argument was "you don't have to listen to your parents all the time - you can do this if you want to." it always struck me odd that simply because I did not make the same choice as they did, that their assumption was that I didn't think long and hard about the choice I did make. I must be weak-mindedly listening to my stodgy parents. Elizabeth Sandoval seems to be in the same mindset as my high school peers. Anyone that didn't make the same choice she did must be weak-minded. We must be caught up in the O.C. (isn't that a show about high school kids?) or we must look up to Paris Hilton (regardless of the fact that when PH's name is invoked by anyone I know over the age of 17, it's certainly not accompanied by a desire to emulate her).

Elizabeth Sandoval is thirty-two years old. I am but a child of twenty-five and I can attest that my decision-making process is not governed by the WB or societal pressures. I have the ability to think for myself, and I have reached a point where I am comfortable enough with me that I can make good choices without externalizing everything.

"Women are non-self-respecting because they willingly sacrifice such an important part of their being for just a few moments of pleasure. And they're oblivious because they don't contemplate the profoundness of sex."

Again with the gross generalizations, Elizabeth Sandoval! I am either a virgin or a whore. I am either self respecting and make the same choice that you did, or I am adrift on the sea of popular culture and victimized by the combination of my emotional immaturity and the ravenous wolves known innocuously as "men."

Why must it be that women who choose to have sex don't contemplate its profoundness? Could we not be having it because we appreciate that very profundity? And, in fact, does it always have to be profound? Listen, Elizabeth Sandoval, I have no idea what the men in Los Angeles are like - I’ve never been there. But I’ll tell you that there are some really stand-up guys in other parts of the country that don't fit your outmoded stereotype. there are women who are intelligent enough to tell fact from fiction, who can even recognize degrees of fiction (to use a popular culture reference - just so you'll understand - there are those among us who understand that SATC and the new "Dove" ads are fundamentally the same thing), and we have the ability to make choices for ourselves that are no less valid for not being the exact one you made.

"Women give it up as if it's nothing. When in fact, it is everything."

Oh, Elizabeth Sandoval. Do you not realize that you are the very problem of which you speak? Why do you think SATC and rap videos (??!!) are so pervasive? You, in effect, have reduced me to my sexual parts. If it is "everything," then why are you so upset when it is all handsome man at a bar sees in you?

Way to knock us back a couple of hundred years. Why yearn for a time when a woman's worth was her "virtue," and her commodification was commonplace. At least if Paris Hilton is for sale, it is she who is doing the selling. Thankfully, I am old enough and wise enough to know the difference between fantasy and reality - between myself and Paris Hilton - between a neanderthal and a man. I can only hope, Elizabeth Sandoval, that you can reach the level of maturity wherein you can understand that there is not one truth that fits everyone, and that my choice to have sex or not does not define my intelligence, my womanhood, or my self, and it is absolutely none of your business.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

knits for twits - and! now hiring crush boys! full or part time - seasonal or permanent

the title for my new knitting book. subtitled "knitwear for those of us unable to properly complete a gauge swatch."

i had to get out of the apartment tonight. i brought a few boxes over from the old apartment, rummaged through them for interesting bits of my life that i had forgotten, and promptly discarded them in the pile of other boxes waiting to be sorted and put away. i was on this unpacking kick when i first moved in, but the impulse has waned and my half-filled apartment has been sorely neglected. thus, if i am not here to witness the crap everywhere then it must not exist. (if a crap-filled box just sits there in the forest and no one is there to see it...)

knitting at sweetwaters was a lot of fun. i got a little further on hopeful - i had to rip back half of the front when the correction came through last night - and i'm just starting that bit again (had to do two more inches of the body before i could start it again - that being the correction). it's one of those "must knit at hyperspeed because i need to wear it and love it and be the hot" projects. and no, i am still not finished with the edging that will not die for dr. j's shawl.

elecia and jillian mentioned interesting single men when my new singleness came up. so half-jokingly i said that i am taking applications. i've been thinking about it, and (whether or not i meet these particular aforementioned single men) that's such a fabulous idea. these are people i find incredibly cool, and so of course their friends would most likely fall in that category as well. not that i want my friends, coworkers and acquaintances to pimp me out all over the place (okay, so maybe i do a little), but isn't that the best way to meet people? through people you know? and a big plus would be getting to meet people that live outside of the insular little world of my MA program and travis' friends (who i do absolutely love, but that would be kind of weird, no? "hey, man, i just had lunch with your wife").

so, officially. i would totally love to meet friends of friends who are single and cool. i have no rules other than that i probably won't ever date anyone younger than i am (again). but i do like older.

and finally! for elecia - i hope this gives you some ideas!:
and a few of my pictures:

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

here we go again....

...embrace the let it be....embrace the let it be....

what in the eff effity effing eff!

crush? yeah. game on. car went by, had to get out of the road, but here we go again.

i had the biggest urge to write "i am too old for this," but i will resist that urge because i am not one hundred and two - i am twenty-five. twenty-five is EXACTLY the right age for this.

i feel very self-censoring. all of my knitting friends are probably like, why doesn't she post pictures of the shawl she's working on! (i did get to the bottom point of the edging last night!! wheee!!) my el-jay friends (some of them) are probably like, "why isn't she posting sordid details of torrid crush encounters??" and the rest of the el-jayers are thinking, "why the eff did we add this tarted up knitter in the first place??" so what is this blog? i mean, i should probably talk about what i want and if you don't want to read it you won't have to. not much lately has made it worth reading ;)

so i think i will talk about my crush. and my knitting. and when school starts in a dirty month i will talk about that, too.

so yeah. the crush.

i am exhausted. i know now why there's an "h" in that word. right now i am ex-uh-austed. and warm.

i mean, he complimented my purse. if that doesn't make a girl hot then nothing will!

Sunday, July 31, 2005

crush R.I.P.

it's no longer fun.

why does this depress me so much?

what a day.

anybody know any interesting boys i could play with?

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

keely's new life resolutions.

Today is the first day of the rest of my life. So let's make sure that life doesn't suck, okay?

Old Motto: Vanilla

New Motto: Thai Chili Sauce

1. No granny panties. None. Nada. Okay, so I don't really have any granny panties as it is, but I do have some day-of-the-weekish ones from Gap Body that have little daily affirmations on the front ("I am funny." "I am smart." "I am a good dancer.") that have seen far better days. So none of that. All cute undies all the time. Also, I'm replacing the non-underwire cotton glorified training bras with cute ones. The Wonderbra that lifts, separates and gives the (little) girls big girl cleavage stays, as does the stray sexy bra from Vicky's or Freddy's that I may have accumulated.

2. No more cookie cutter outfits. Good lord, lately I look as if I stepped out of a fucking Banana Republic catalog - but not the cute pages with the hip stuff - the pages of the worky separates in black with the occasional colored shirt to break the monotony. I'm going back to the REAL me. The one that dressed with her own funky style and wore fantastic shoes (like the hot black and white tuxedo-y heels that I never wear but look fucking hot - those). If I have to have stepped out of a catalog, it damn well better be Anthropologie.

3. I will think carefully about anything that goes in my body. (And shut up, that's not what I mean!) Being within spitting distance of the Co-op and the farmer's market, I have absolutely no excuse for eating crap. And as much as I might be tempted, I cannot have the lunch buffet at Shalimar every day. I just can't.

4. I will set my apartment up right away and not live out of boxes. I will also decorate it in a way other than what Pottery Barn might endorse. Blech, says I, to Pottery Barn. I'm seeing candles and exotic scarves on the walls or something. Thai chili sauce. And if I'm going to be a stop-by girl, there ought to be something in the house worth stopping by for (also see #5).

5. Cultivation of the self. I got SO boring. How the hell did I let that happen? I don't write anymore, and when I do it sucks, and I don't even read when I have to - so what happened to the girl who read for fun? The one who thought about things and had interesting conversations and witty exchanges? I was astounded at how excited I got reading Lacan, Sartre, Spivak, etc. I mean, this girl could have a decent shot at being interesting if she gave it a go. (Not that I will force anyone to discuss the intricacies of Saussure, but does it not strike anyone funny that the basis for much of modern lit crit is standing on a student's lecture notes?? Blows me away! Thank god nobody's using my lecture notes for anything...)

6. I will lighten up. I have been a thirty-five year old since I was about 12. Done with that. I need to shake off the seriousness shit and embrace the let it be. Learning to appreciate wine is going to help in this, I think :)

Sunday, July 17, 2005

remember what i said about parents? yeah. multiply that by seventeen.

So, my mom and I went to about a billion yard sales and thrift stores yesterday. We had a fabulous time and I got some fabulous stuff. (Of course, then, exhausted after day-long shopping, I came home and read the new HP which left me positively despondent on multiple levels.)

Some highlights: a tack-ay hanging lamp that Travis would hate and I love, some super hot vintage brown leather pumps, a huge flower press for a quarter, a talking vcr, a huge box of spare knitting needles for a dollar, and lots of sealable jars for dry goods (I buy a lot from the bulk bins at Whole Foods and the Co-op.) Photos of course, once camera cord shows its face.

Friday night at dinner they were asking me questions about the new place and what is keeping me from moving right in. Money, of course. So apparently when I went to the bathroom they discussed it and told me yesterday before yard sales that they had decided to lend me the deposit. Rock. So, I'm going to get in touch with the guy ASAP and see if I can give him the cash and take posession immediately. Of course, this means some fast moving with the utility companies, but I'm okay with that :)

Now that I'll have actual furniture to put in my apartment, it will be a whole lot nicer to live in! Next purchase is some nice sheets and pillowcases and new pillows! (And now I can afford to do it!)

YAY parents!

Friday, July 15, 2005

Parents are like, the best things ever.

Arrived safely in Iowa. Can't find the damn camera cord, so I've yet to post the photos not yet uploaded from Erin's wedding and my fabulous box of yarn love from Secret Pal (who totally lives in like, the next town over - we should totally meet up post SP and knit!).

I made a geeky crush-related pit stop but was unable to find what I was looking for. You can always find kitschy shit in interstate gas stations except for when you need it...

So, my parents have been fabulous. I don't know if I'll be able to fit all the stuff they're giving me in the car! I feel like I'm going to college again!

It all started halfway through Michigan when my dad called me.

Dad: "Do you need a desktop computer for your new place?" (those in the property-divvy know will know that Travis is getting the desktop comp and I am getting the laptop)
K: "Um, well...I don't absolutely need one, but boy would it be nice!"
Dad: "Is a tower okay?"
K: "Perfect, uh, do you have an extra one lying around?" (those in the K's parents' job know will know that K's parents owned a computer store for many years and now her dad does independent contracting computer and networking work for school districts, local city governments and companies, etc, hence computers lying around.)
Dad: "Yep. Do you have a monitor?"
K: "Only the one Travis is getting. Do you have one of those lying around?"
Dad: "I think so."

So now my surprise new computer is downstairs, all tricked out and set up waiting for me to take it home and love it. I'm also leaving with a nice big tv, entertainment centerish object, dresserish object and hutch bookshelf top, side tables, and lamps. Lucky, lucky, lucky K.

This is all before tomorrow's yardsale/thriftstore excursion with my mom to fill out the rest of the bachelorette pad needs.

People have been so unbelievably supportive. I'm astounded with the kindness I've received. Thank you all, so much, for everything. I feel like there are only opportunities ahead of me. Limitless possibilities.

Perhaps I will try the gas station plaza on the other side of the interstate on the way back. Oh, K. Such a geek.

Friday, July 08, 2005

miniature updatage - more to come tonight with photos

well. there are so many things that have happened i hardly know where to begin.

i suppose i will begin with the biggest news of all. travis and i are getting a divorce.

yep. you read correctly.

there are so many reasons, few of which are appropriate to share here - but suffice it to say, if you should know, you probably already do - or will when next i see you. if you're curious and don't see me often, feel free to email and ask. i just don't want to post it for all to see.

regardless - we do not hate each other - we don't even dislike each other. fundamentally, we want entirely different things and have become entirely different people. we love each other dearly - so much so that we are each willing to let the other person fulfill their dreams. he is my best friend, and that's not going to change (for the forseeable future anyway - if nothing else this has taught me that what you think will happen, what you want to happen, may not actually be what happens or what is best for you).

so, i'm moving out. into A2 proper - 3 mins by car from downtown - straight down liberty. i feel immensely better to get out of the soul-sucking-ness that is ypsi. strangely, i like michigan a lot better now that i don't feel trapped here. i'm here on my own choice and i can leave at will. leave to anywhere - leave to london, leave to toronto, leave to fiji - wherever. (and speaking of fiji - i can now watch copious quantities of red dwarf reruns without anyone else wanting the teevee!)

in the midst of all this - the beautiful erin got married! i will give her her very own post with plenty of pictures so that she is not shadowed by my NEWS.

AND - as for the most perfectest timing on the planet - my absolutely WONDERFUL secret pal sent me a box of deliciousness. i don't have my camera cord here, so i will post a photograph of the box of delight tonight - but suffice it to say that i opened it and promptly burst into tears at the kindness and generousity - as well as excellent taste - displayed by my most fabulous secret pal who has remained unthanked for far too long with my head and heart preoccupied with the NEWS. she, too, will receive her own post - a post befitting the absolute best secret pal in the whole shebang.

so, in honor of what was, a tribute to a fabulous day in september.

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Monday, June 27, 2005

erin's wedding was this weekend! pictures and a description of all the mystery and mayhem coming soon. until then, a photo of the couple AND a photo of saturday night, state of indiana: jewish population 2 (and what hotties those jews are!!)

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Tuesday, June 14, 2005

i'll do a real post in a teeny bit...i've been a slacker...but here's some yarn to show neauveau!

most of what i've been spinning lately has been going directly into knitting projects, so i hope these look all right : ) i mostly spin with luxe-y-er fibers - merino, silk, cashmere, alpaca, angora, etc.

i apologize for the evening sun pictures - i normally take them in better sun or lighting, but i wanted to get these taken : ) anxious! excited! etc! it kind of washed out the color of the merino/silk blend - it's much richer blue with some really great variations and other colors.

70/30 merino/cashmere, 2 ply, textured, about a worsted weight
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70/30 merino/tussah, hand dyed, 2 ply bulky
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100% german angora, navajo plied with silver embroidery thread (gives it a teeny weeny bit of sparklyness that you can't see in the photo), fingering weight, great halo.
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100% alpaca single soft spun thick/thin
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Thursday, June 02, 2005

crushed and crushing

I have this weird tendency to fall in crush with anyone who crushes on me. I'm 25 and I'm still doing this. People I would never dream of having a relationship with, people in many cases I don't even find all that attractive, I suddenly daydream into houses, cars, sex, foreign vacations, and did I mention sex? Even when I was a kid there were several times I was "going out" with some really yick boys because they liked me first. I think it must have been a power thing - if they liked me more than I liked them, I was in control. Unfortunately, I am a serious lover of being giddy in love and have the unfortunate ability to dwell on a nonsensical crush until I am giddy in love. And then, inevitably, they stop liking me. It's the rush I love - the "Does he like me?" "I think he likes me." "Oh my lord, he really likes me!" The witty banter you save for the object of your affection - so clever you have to think of it the day before and casually work it into conversation, the neverending application of lipgloss, the wearing of your cute undies (yeah, I know they're never going to see, but I know they're there!

My transition between kid and adult crush was B. in St. Louis. Now, I would never ever ever in a million years date B. Ever. I actually thought he was an idiot when we first met, and that grew to a healthy dislike. But, like any passionate feeling, healthy dislike turned into thinking he was kind of charming in a strung out, pseudo-intellectual sort of way. I was kind of longing for a no-strings-attached relationship, being knee deep in "issues" (and i did those quotes with my fingers, if you get my drift) with my then boyfriend (now husband! wild!). After awhile there is only so much one can say to a person who is high 98% of the time, so the crush on B. fell by the wayside, now serving only as fodder for comparison to current crushes to keep me realistic. (No, K, you should not leave your husband for some nitwit you don't actually like at all. You will not have eleven babies with him and live in Marseilles.)

Then there was J. Oh, J. was cute. But also kind of not. I had a class with him - a class I felt I was a bit out of my league for (though it turned out I was not). He said really interesting things, he was funny, and he kept looking at me. You know, looking. Okay, so maybe he wasn't and it was all in my head, but let me live in my fantasy world, please. So we became acquaintances, then half acquaintance half friends, and damned if I will not believe until my dying day that it turned into half friends/fifteen percent acquaintances/thirty-five percent flirt partners. (Me? Overanalyze? No! Never!) Alas, my crush grew, his crush-let waned, and since his crush-let (or what I perceived to be his crush-let) was basically all he had going for him in my eyes (you wouldn't believe how boring the people I crush on tend to be. I mean, you'd think I'd grow some taste, but it's yet to happen) my crush waned as well, and I lost interest completely - returning us to 100% acquaintances practically overnight!

But these are two of many, many crushes. I am a crush monster - seriously - in fact, I've even had a crush on someone reading this! Two people, even! Is it you? Probably!

Right now my crush is still a secret - until it ends, that is : ) Next year, about this time, there will be a little crush epitaph, but for now it is fun and silly and it makes me feel all squidgy inside (good squidgy. usually, anyway.).

Monday, May 30, 2005

can't we just have one more day off after this??

Oh, the weekend! How did it go by so quickly?

In school news, I heard back from my thesis advisor and the paper proposal I submitted for the 18th/19th century studies conference this fall (in either Indiana or Ohio - she couldn't remember) was accepted! She's chairing a panel and one of the participants bailed, I guess, so she thought of me : ) The panel is on Rethinking Authors/Rethinking Canons and I'm doing a somewhat post-colonial take on Tess of the D'Urbervilles. I just need a title now. Something with "othering" in it : ) (Happy summer, Keely! Time to write a paper!)

On the knitting front, I finished the Cleo Halter last weekend and it was given to the work friend to rave reviews : ) It was fun, quick, but the cotton was pretty beastly to work with. Instead of the i-cord for the back tie or the band that the pattern called for I used two strands of India ribbon from Lana Grossa. I wove it through the eyelets and across the center which pretties it up a bit and gives the tie a little more stability. An i-cord in that cotton would have been monstrous. I also changed the around the neck tie icords from the double strand that the thing is knitted in to a single strand. A double would have been impossible to tie and super bulky. The single worked well. Had I known I'd have switched to the India for the back tie, I'd have probably skipped the top i-cord, too, but I didn't want to go back : ) It turned out well anyway, I think!

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I've really been making more jewelry this week/weekend than knitting or spinning. It's addictive! So instant gratification! I had to stop at the bead store to get more of the little center beads to finish this bracelet for me:

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and so of course I got a few other things to make some jewelry for my mom. She loves green, so we've got variations on a green theme. First, the funky bead bracelet in green -

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and the greenish riverstone necklace. I did a really simple string of sparkly beads so that the riverstone was the most important thing. I don't know if I like the silvery bead above the stone, but it covers the crimps and that was more important to me at the moment. I just wanted to get it done, because this was the second one I made - the first was completely strung and the stone was wrapped beautifully (if i do say so myself) and as I was attaching the second clasp to the top, the wire snapped! I had to redo the whole damn thing, including the wrap around the stone (which, as I am still winging it, was a PITA to get both pretty and stable!).

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And! For me, I made a quick PINK bracelet : ) Of course, at the bead store I am always drawn to the pink, and thus have a large collection of pink beads waiting for their jewelry destinies!

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Friday, May 27, 2005

secret pal questionnaire!

Hello, Secret Pal!

1. Are you a yarn snob (do you prefer higher quality and/or natural fibers)? Do you avoid Red Heart and Lion Brand? Or is it all the same to you? Yarn snob. I am a natural fiber nut, and I don't use any Red Heart or Lion Brand. (Or really anything that could be purchased at a WalMart or Joann's.)

2. Do you spin? Crochet? I spin LOTS and love it and I do a little crochet - mostly edgings on knitwear, but I am making the Lily Chin dress from the Interweave Knits crochet issue.

3. Do you have any allergies? (smoke, pets, fibers, perfume, etc.) Yes! Smoke and perfume. I can do any fibers, any pets, but no smells!

4. How long have you been knitting? About a year and a half.

5. Do you have an Amazon or other online wish list? Ooohhh....I just started a KnitPicks wishlist : ) I think I have to email it if you want it, though.

6. What's your favorite scent? (for candles, bath products etc.) Unscented : )

7. Do you have a sweet tooth? Oh, lord, yes : )

8. What other crafts or Do-It-Yourself things do you like to do? I'm starting to do a little beading, but I'm still in the "winging it" stage : )

9. What kind of music do you like? Can your computer/stereo play MP3s? (if your buddy wants to make you a CD)All types - mostly indie pop and girl rock (Heavenly and Liz Phair)

10. What's your favorite color? Or--do you have a color family/season/palette you prefer? Any colors you just can't stand? Favorite color is PINK! Don't like orange or purple so much.

11. What is your family situation? Do you have any pets? Husband and two kitties - working on a baby.

12. What are your life dreams? (really stretching it here, I know) Finish my masters, go on for my PhD, teach college, knit : )

13. What is/are your favorite yarn/s to knit with? alpaca, merino, silk, cotton...

14. What fibers do you absolutely *not* like? it is a very rare acrylic, indeed, that i actually enjoy. most of them (after having worked with so many lovely natural fibers) are impossible to work with now.

15. What is/are your current knitting obsession/s? shetland lace! and 2 socks on 1 circ : )

16. What is/are your favorite item/s to knit? i don't think i really have a favorite...right now it would be lace, but that'll change. give it a minute.

17. What are you knitting right now? a shetland shawl, the fibertrends peace shawl, a clapotis, some socks, and i'm working on two original patterns. (there are more things on needles, but they're on the official back burner at the moment)

18. What do you think about ponchos? I made one, but I rarely wear it - it's cute, but I just don't have that much in the way of poncho compatible outfits. I think it's pretty ridiculous the way the fads are decried and one must prove their true knitter status by denouncing whatever the kids are knitting these days. Knit what you like.

19. Do you prefer straight or circular needles? Straight if I'm knitting back and forth. I have the absolute HARDEST time purling on circs - so much so that the ribbing section of socks drive me batty.

20. Bamboo, aluminum, plastic? metal. Addi turbos are my faves and I have a ginormous collection in super long lengths for magic looping, but for straight knitting I use cheapy Susan Bates aluminums. I'm a tight knitter, so plastic is nigh on impossible, bamboo/wood is not much better, and metal is nice and slidy. (also, cheapy straights help me justify my addi collection!)

21. Are you a sock knitter? yep! I loves me my socks.

22. How did you learn to knit? taught myself with a Lion Brand baby hat and booties kit (in white Cotton-Ease!). I had kind of thought about knitting, so I offered to knit a hat and booties (having seen this set at JoAnn's or Hancock or somewhere) and the person I told said, "Oh, you knit! That is so cool!" and I said, "Oh, of course, I knit!" So I figured I should probably learn : )

23. How old is your oldest UFO? about a year old : )

24. What is your favorite animated character or a favorite animal/bird? I like hello kitty because I'm keely and when I was small people called me Hello Keely. (But since we were poor, I mostly had "Poochie" things rather than HK - and I loved Poochie just the same as I would have loved HK things : )

25. What is your favorite holiday? Valentine's Day! (because it's my birthday and I get presents!)

26. Is there anything that you collect? Other than yarn? : ) Old knitting magazines - like Vogues from the 50's and 60's, etc. I have a collection of Workbasket Magazines from the 50's - the 80's.

27. What knitting magazine subscriptions do you have? Rebecca, Rowan, IK, Cast On (only because I'm a member - I totally would not subscribe were I not), Spin Off. But I usually buy Vogue and some FCEK.

28. Any books out there you are dying to get your hands on? Hmmm....There's actually a beading book I'm really coveting...Antique Style Bead Accessories. I looked through it at a bead store and *almost* bought it, but bought beads instead.

Thursday, May 26, 2005

yes, i'm knitting a clapotis. what's it to ya?

There isn't a new issue of Knitty without the inevitable "everyone's favorite project," the copious knit alongs, and then the ensuing backlash. Honeymoon, Branching Out, or perhaps the most insidious of all...Clapotis, anyone?) "I'd like to knit a lace pattern - preferrably one that isn't 'Branching Out,'" "I'd like a tank top pattern with cute shaping and a deep v-neck, but oh, I'd never knit Honeymoon!"

I am knitting a Clapotis. Yes. I am. Backlash and all. Wanna know why?

1. No, not EVERYONE in the WORLD has knit Clapotis. The only way that would be applicable is if EVERYONE in the WORLD was a moniker solely given to the insular world of online knitters and knit bloggers. There are many knitters (many! I work in a very busy yarn shop! I've witnessed them with my own two beady little eyes!) that have never even heard of Knitty - AND - contrary to popular belief, there are about a bazillion people in the world who do not knit! (Really, no kidding. Non-knitters for whom the clap is still an STD. I know it's hard to believe, but just go with me on this one.)

2. A wonderful co-worker of mine is moving to Paris(!) in the fall. I know, I should hate her for this fact alone, but remarkably I can still tolerate her presence! I wanted to knit her something and she requested some sort of scarfy creature. What better scarfy creature for an American ex-pat in Paris is the creation of an American ex-pat in Paris mimicking the coolness of the Parisian moment? Yeah, I thought so, too.

3. I am comfortable enough in my knitterhood to knit something trendy. Yes, I knit a poncho last summer (and it was damn cute!), I knit Honeymoon (did I say, damn cute? why yes I did!), and damned if my Clapotis isn't going to be the damned cutest scarfy thing that ever came off of my needles. I don't even have to tell you about the shetland shawl I'm working on to validate my trend knitting. (Or maybe I do. But it's not because of the clap, that's for sure, it's because I want to tell you. Really.)

And yes, I am aware that this is quite a long justification of something that I am implying doesn't need justifying. I'll just work on that in my next therapy session, so don't you worry.

(ha! here I am saying "you" like anyone is reading this! that's got to be a therapy session in itself.)

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

a ha! first time there's actual content!

So, tonight I'm going to hang out with the girls at knitin-aa. In honor of that, I decided it's high time to actually add some content over here rather than simply updating my livejournal and pretending that I'll eventually start this up.

So! Last weekend I went to visit my grandmother and we had breakfast at the White Pines State Park - the park my family lived across the street from since my grandparents were kids.

So on the way there, what do I see? LLAMAS! I made my grandmother stop the car so I could take pictures!

Other than the llamas, the trip was somewhat depressing. After the fun that was my best friend's bridal shower on Saturday, I arrived at my grandmothers to find my grandfather's (who passed away January 04) coat and hat still hanging on the hook. It just made me want to cry. I'm sure she doesn't think about it, since it has always been on the hook and the coat is not the odd thing, the odd thing is the absence of my grandfather. For me, though, it was pretty sobering.

In happier - or at least knittier news, I'm working on a bastardized version of the Cleo halter for a work friend. She's going to a "dare to bare" party and wanted something hoochie enough to be bare and non-hoochie enough to be able to leave the house in. I'm altering it slightly - stockinette boob areas and a simple lace pattern for the tummy area. I hope to finish it mostly tonight at Sweetwaters

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And, finally, Sue of KARYS fame is now working at her daughter's bead shop Stony Creek Bead and Gallery! Of course, I had to stop by on the premise of purchasing beads for beaded yarn spinning and beaded knitting, but of course, I got suckered in and made myself some jewelry. Here's my preliminary bead haul (having never done this before, I was in awe of all the shiny sparkly things!) Note my poor college student DIY bead tray. Gotta love pop caps glued to a notebook back.

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I made these bits of bead love so far - and am just winging it at this point - I will be taking classes from the ever so lovely Sue as soon as they start offering it. Fun! More crafty shit to spend money on! Go me. Luckily the stuff I've done so far (read: easy breezy newbie stuff) is pretty instant gratification. Unlike the Noro Butterfly I have been picking up and putting down for about 8 million years now ...

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Ooooh! And one more thing! Gratuitous first warp picture : ) I love my cheapy rigid heddle loom! It's so much fun! This was my recent first attempt at weaving, so I used some Encore I had laying around (which was much too thick, but I was determined). Ain't she pretty?

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Thursday, May 05, 2005

This post is testing my syndication feed on LJ.

okay, so that was a long time....

Well, I have finally decided it would be a good time to work on this blog. I have no idea how to set these silly things up, as I have been quite a while out of the website creation moment. If I could knit it, then perhaps my blog would be pretty with interesting patterns, but for now, it is standard.

Things to do first:
Sidebar links
Sidebar project info
Make a project archive page

Since no one is reading this at the moment, this list is for me to feel like I'm accomplishing something. Actual knitting content coming soon ... including my extra geeky excitedness over chatting with Amy Singer of Knitty fame whilst waiting for a train!

Monday, September 27, 2004

the obligatory first post

as soon as i set this thing up, it will (hopefully) replace my live journal as a knitting/project/writing/gradschool/etc blog.

vanity, vanity, all is vanity